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Love can be blind so trust the Lord and those in your family or friends. Yes had those same feelings. I never liked the dating thing and this hasn't changed even after getting back into the dating scene. The most important thing is to take your time. Make sure you are ready for that next step. There is no reason to rush especially when your previous divorce was so awful.
I know that deters me from any sudden decisions. You'll know when that right person comes into your life whether it's now or 5 years from now. Good luck to your new boyfriend. Because no one will want to listen to you relate how your OLD baggage is just like mr. We guys HATE being compared to. My ex did this. My ex did that. Don't be surprised when a few of your dates hit the door running. I'm just being honest with you.
It will take MUCH longer then two weeks to become single again. Also, don't just go running off with singles guys because you can. WAIT till marriage to have sex and you will have an honest man by your side because late in the game, most guys are used to sexual relationships and it may seem like it's not as big a deal. Just because you have been sexually active for a long time with hopefully ONE man doesn't make the practice right for every one.
Don't divorce ALL your beliefs. Stay true to your self and expect others to respect your religious obligations. Remember, you are still married to Christ. Be chase till the right one comes along and that will be your saving grace. I am older and have small kids. The ex found a new man before the divorce was final like months before and now she is living with the guy and no marriage date yet. Yes we have small kids a 4 and 5 year old kids and it has messed them up a lot.
My 5 year old son has asked dad when am I getting married mom already has a new man in bed. I told him that I would like to be married again but I am not looking yet. Then he told me what my next wife needs to be and it is cutie until you realize he is telling dad what he doesn't want dad to do to soon. His list is my next wife needs to be tall, intelligent, love me and bubb's and Onni my two kids, love trees, hair on her head dad is bald , love chickens, love horses, love being on a farm, dad needs to buy a farm, cows?
I think that your feelings right now are normal. Any positive attention right now will feel good and be welcome. Right after my divorce, a friend shared with me what his therapist told him: You are recovering from an emotional injury. Imagine an athlete with a major injury. He would give the injury time to heal, and then ease himself back into the game. He would go through physical therapy, he would take small steps, and he would practice and stretch the injured muscle.
You have to practice and stretch your injured heart. Ease back in to the game. Talking to your new lady friend is just what you need. Nor did he reference wanting to have sex right away, or divorcing his beliefs. Second, he said absolutely nothing, whatsoever, that would indicate he was going to have sex outside of marriage.
In fact, he obviously went out of his way to follow the precepts of the Church regarding chastity, and intends to continue doing so.
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Your whole post is nonsensical. Wow, I completely forgot about me writing this post beyond the couple of days after I wrote it and the initial responses that were made during that time. Thanks everyone for your input. I guess I'm back with more questions on my mind that are sort of a continuation of the initial issues of dating again after divorce. So the deal is, I'm still looking, still forced to do the online dating thing for the most part I live in Hawaii, SO hard to date here!
At least for my age group and what I'm looking for. I'm hoping to take my kids with me to Utah for Christmas to be with family. Being that this hopefully presents a rare opportunity to actually spend time with and date people I've 'met' and become friends with online, and possibly even see if something might become more serious, I'm definitely looking forward to this trip. This presents a new dilemma, however. Being that I'll be traveling with my kids, it's almost guaranteed that if I do meet up with someone, there is going to be at least some interaction between my children who are age 6 and 3 and these friends, one of which may potentially become a significant other.
As I was thinking of this tonight, it occurred to me that this is the first time this would occur since the divorce. Previously, my children have 'met' the woman I referred to in my original posting, although just on Skype on my computer. They heard me talk about her in very general terms, mostly being referred to as "daddy's friend". Also, although that previous relationship did not materialize into what I had hoped for and ultimately ended, my children were with me over the summer and witnessed me interacting with this person quite a bit phonecalls, texting, in addition to Skype - the point being that they have a sense that dating is something important to me.
So I guess my question is, what's the best way to go about this potential crossing of paths between my two young kids and a potential romantic interest?
Pitfalls to avoid with the interactions that could occur? Ways to talk to my kids about it whether beforehand, during, or after the trip? Things not to say or do? Just to give you an idea of a couple scenarios I can see potentially happening - one might involve me traveling to WA on the way to Utah to meet someone also a single parent, of a 3 yr old , possibly staying with friends or on our own at a hotel, and spending a few days there this one seems sticky - 'group' date, with 3 kids woohoo!
Or having my kids stay with a stranger - no thanks! The other scenario would be finally physically meeting and going out with people while in Utah, where I would be around my family i. I know some of you will probably flat out say, "Don't do it! Your kids are fairly young maybe that's good. I just know that blended families are difficult. Theres a reason why the divorce rate increases dramatically for second marriages.
There is so much to consider now that your entering the dating scene with children. The most important thing is considering their feelings. Dr Laura who I don't always agree with stated that you should not get married after Divorce. I'm remarried and I can see why she says that Wish you all the best. I think you have to somehow find a balance between seeing the good in your past relationship and at the same time looking ahead.
I still love my exwife but I can see that we're not compatable. As was pointed out to me, if you're divorced with kids, your kids see how you treat women including you ex, and thats what they learn is acceptable. It's up to you to be a good role model regardless and you both need to be happy. Anyway, sorting out my wardrobe first and throwing myself into the dating melee. A younger woman without children may well want one or more, and perhaps Aventino does not, or at least not at the moment.
Vulvic 10 yrs ago LOL! I have not posted or even looked on AX for quite some time but I can see some of the old characters are still around.quiconcprevsasunb.gq/4595-miedo-a-ligar.php
Topic: The problem with dating after divorce | MGTOW
Aventino, I sympatise with you. I am also in a similar position single mum, young child, reluctantly broaching the subject of dating again. I was never one for dating, my relationships stemmed from friendships with men with similar interests sports or similar professional backgrounds. The only thing now is that most of my social circle know me as a mum and linked with my ex which is understandable. I now face the situation that I need to get out there and meet new people who see me as I am and not a mum, partner of The problem is, can I really be bothered? The thought of getting tarted up of a Saturday night and getting out there to 'meet someone' just feels a bit sad to me.
However, I also don't want to give up on the idea of finding someone I can grow old with just yet. Vulvic 10 yrs ago That sounds a bit less scarey. Are you going to put it into action? I think it's more a state of mind as to where the person is in life. Rather find someone with kids but I think the more important thing is getting up the confidence to get out there and chat and mingle.
Vulvic I am the same but usually I occupy myself with other things when I should really be getting out. Kids grow up, they leave, you end up alone in the house -well that's the pep talk I'm using to get back into a relationship lol. S 10 yrs ago aventino, i'm sure everyone agrees that we're all here in this site to share our experiences hoping we can contribute to eachother in some way.
If we all had the same experiences then we wouldn't be writing in this site. If my experiences are too shocking for you then please feel to disgard it. Besides I'm not the one asking for advices in dating. Good Luck to you. I was just asking what surprised you the most when you got back out there. Was it the attitudes to you as a divorcee, womens expectations, what they were looking for, what exactly? I'm hoping you're going to give me a heads up on the dating scene in Hong Kong for single dads.
KAT8 10 yrs ago S, I think aventino was refering to what hoyo was saying, not about your dating experiences. I haven't even started dating and I separated from my ex three years ago. I have been too chicken to go on dating sites etc.
Dating after divorce - can't accept a good thing?
I know it is all up to me to make that hapen. I mean no man is going to be knocking on my door asking me for a date eh?
However, aventino I think you will have no problem dating here since you are a man, even if you have kids. For women I think it is slightly more harder, but I could be wrong and just using that as an excuse. Put up a personal add anyway, though I think most women don't read the mens personal adds and just rely on replies to their own adds. Other thing I have just realised is that the person who used to stop me buying fashion disasters when I went out clothes shopping isn't in my life anymore: S 10 yrs ago KAT8, very nice of you to say that and you're right it is easiesr for men in general with kids t to get a date than women with kids.
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I think, in my opinoin the more women you can meet and talk to just talk Maybe you ask some of your mates who regularly go out on weekends. I did it the old fashoined way. Met her, went out on dates and so on I always said to myself I need to find someone to grow old with not because of. I wish all the luck in finding someone you can share your life with. I think I simply need to do more action and less talking. The more I get out socialising the more I meet and the more I meet the more I get out socialising.
S 10 yrs ago That's the spirit my friend, double thumbs up for you. I'm telling there are women who are actually looking for the real deal Since you're a strong believer in LOVE and still have faith in it, it's just a question of time. I'm rooting for you.
The problem with dating after divorce
Vulvic 10 yrs ago Aventino and KAT8 - you are both right, need to get out there and be more proactive in meeting people. I guess I have got lazy over the years, have been in HK a long time and know a lot of people but nobody that falls into the category of potential date. Time to try something new. I am not sure if I am ready to post on the personals though, still feeling a bit reluctant to put myself across that way. Can't understand why as a ratio there are so few in Hong Kong. Hkfrenchie, we will see, even if I don't make a connection for a while, every time I go out is good for me.
Since I'm looking for a single mum and since the stamp on the forehead "I Got Kids" idea for when you go out dating hasn't taken off yet, the internet maybe is initially more useful than getting out. Vulvic 10 yrs ago Lol, sounds like my ex. That's my worry, the scumbags. I fear my 'bullshit' detecor may be a little off after so little practice. I have a 5 year old and I'm happy to add to it but there is a big difference timewise between meeting someone with a child a similar age and having more with someone who hasn't got any yet.
S 10 yrs ago aventino, i hear you but do bear in mind that whether you end up in a relationship with a single mom or a single lady both comes with pros and cons. Vulvic 10 yrs ago If you have a child, why on earth would you advertise yourself as anything else. If we have to start lying to get dates then frankly I'd rather not have any. It may come as a shock to some of you but not of all us want to date out of age group. Whilst dating a young something might be fun in the beginning, it can get old pretty quick. Likewise, if you have a child, there is some comfort in dating someone in a similar situation.
You have shared experiences and understand the sacrifices it takes to be a parent. It is interesting reading everyone's viewpoints. I agree that one should not set too many restricting factors. IMHO i also think that although tempting we shouldnt be looking too hard - would hate to think that we all come across as desperate! Having said that, I will be out tonight though with another single mum - send me a message if you might also be out and want to sms me to meet for a drink.
Vulvic 10 yrs ago , if you are planning a get together, wouold also like to join. Will PM you in a bit. Hoyo - you miss a very important point. Most women in HK, especially the single mums, are well able to support themselves financially as well as their children. Meeting a man with a sizeable income is of no interest to me, as long as he knows how to have a laugh, is honest and treats me and my daughter with respect that's a pretty good start.
It says something about the calibre of women that you are meeting if you labour on the point of money and being able to provide. I agree with - all this harping on about what kind of person we would like to meet is a bit desperate. Personally I'd just like to get out of the house once in a while and have a bit of fun. Most of my friends are married with kids and are not always available for a night out and I would not expect them to be.
Vulvic 10 yrs ago Why on earth would you bother dating these women if they only expect you to pay the bills? I think you might be in need of some dating advice too Hoyo, there are plenty of women in HK who are financially independent and happy to pay their way. Would love to meet but as I'm away Sat night through Monday night I always spend the night before I go at home doing dad stuff with him.
So that rules out Friday. Sounds like fun though. Count me in for Wednesday. Vulvic 10 yrs ago Weds night sounds good, would also like to join. See you all there. Do we need to carry something so we recognise each other Justin Credible Part Deux 10 yrs ago My advice to newly single dad? You may say you are not looking for ONS' but I suggest you get them out of the way for the first year before you go about trying to "get a relationship"! Honestly, you are, at the moment, still in need of a mending and a bit of distance from your past relationship. Anything you pick up right now will only end in pieces as it would be that perfect bandaid to bring you your confidence back and once you do get it you will see that the rebound love was just that Mend your nets first I mean, what are you hoping for?
Sheesh, you saw how you succeeded last time, take it easy and dont go into anything deep and meaningful until you know who you are Hans SOLO, and you know what you want. There's a happy world out there for the divorcee Just be smart about it and keep your eyes open. Justin Credible Part Deux 10 yrs ago Prolly not Dont try to get that random wannabe chump to fit your expectations.
Settle for nothing less! Initially I sat there all "woe is me" who will want me with my shambles of a house and my kidlet in tow? Meehhhh, there are people out there who will be good and all you have to do is learn you rock and you deserve someone awesome. Believe it and it will happen. Takes time, but trust me, it will! If you stumble and fall, just pick yourself back up!
Lots of idiots out there, but take some comfort in knowing that the non-kidded up folks are also dating idiots or a fairly high calibre. It has nothing to do with you being a single parent I can see it is about finding someone for you, but I would argue that your child isn't an extra bonus because your new partner needs to get along well with the child or there's no point in a relationship with them. The child is more of a part of your personality that anyone you find must have compatability with.
So i would say it has alot to do with being a single parent as it carries alot of responsibility in your choice of future partners with it. I explained my reasons for wanting to date a single mum so I won't labour them here, though I think we all agree we need to get out and get looking for what we want. It's a common need that's true for anyone wanting another relationship. I am single and dont mind to start a relationship with someone who divorced or have kids, but seems really hard to get into a LTR Perhaps people wanna short term one nowadays But I am sure you can find your life partner soon Its matter of time and fate I think I've been given a new lease on life to meet and explore more people and things since I've been separated.
I do sense a lot of fear from your conversations not that I've read every single line. The main thing is to get out there doing the things you enjoy and you will meet and come across more people, male and female. There is bound to be sparks somewhere.
Back into dating after divorce
The odds are in your favour, being a guy, there are more women to men in HK, they say. After all, you do need to work yourself back into having a serious LTR, right?! If you have the right attitude, it's just a matter of time. You do need to get over your ex first though before you can dive into another relationship. My two cents worth Justin Credible Part Deux 10 yrs ago Wholly agree with dylchiu. Give time to drop baggage and also to have realistic expectations.
I just think finding the "Perfect" or even mutually acceptable LTR is a really difficult thing. I am separated from my wife and have 3 kids although they live with her. I am 36, reasonably well off, reasonably fit, and realistic about who I meet. But the reality is I think it might take a while to find someone who fits. And I think that is to be expected 2nd time around. I have posted in the personals and replied to personals with little success. Either too young and shallow or mid's and desperate to have kids this year.
Which theoretically I am not against but might take me more time than that to determine whether the relationship is strong enough to bring kids into it. Anyway my point is that finding someone to be with that you are attracted to, physically, mentally, emotionally - it is a very tricky thing and I think it takes time, effort and a LOT of good luck. So good luck Aventino and all others in that spot I am certainly still searching!
They can also share some valuable info! I think you need that more than anyone on this thread. As per the baggage: And you cannot dump it along the way but you can definitely manage well so as not to interfere with your life. I think the whole kids second time around is a very difficult situation to plan for, though by no means am I suggesting it should be avoided. The more personalities you introduce into a relationship, it stands to reason, the more difficulty you will have with compatability. I am 40 and also feel that the few years it would take to decide on more kids would put me at a place in life where I don't want a second generation growing up with me.
That, to me, is what grandkids later on are for. If this thread succeeds in getting even one person who had been struggling to find an LTR back out and looking instead of giving up on love then it's served it's purpose. I've finally resolve to using dating agencies. Some of them are pretty reliable, you can try: Vulvic 10 yrs ago Some great points of view on this thread.
It has certainly made me think it's time to get my arse off the sofa and start meering people again. It does take time to find the right person with whom you can connect on all levels. Its tough when its the second time around because you already know you thought you were right the last time. I guess looking at it as just a fresh start and being more open to changing yourself for the better and to avoid shortchanging yourself, all in all, works out in the end. What have you had success with?
Why not put action to words and starting making it a regular thing - through meeting others single or divorced , it will widen your network of possibilities. It can even be a support group of sorts - not for wound licking though. As a parent, I feel other parents don't know how to be with us single parents - so it may even be a good support group for parents like us. At least this way, we all at are more or less equal standing - my other issue has been that meeting new people, I don't know when to break it to them that I have kids since I look a lot younger than a mom who would have two boys, 8 and 6.
What do you think? May I have some more info from you about that. I dont think you have to worry about anything For man guys , being 40 is not a problem. I mean hey we are expats right, so by our very nature we are sociable. No harm in spending time saying hello and having a chat over coffee. Then if there is a spark then take it further next time. That way neither party gets up tight about a big night out or a date that potentially is going to end in dissapointment for one or both.
I think I am fun enough to spend 30mins having coffee and even if it goes no further then who cares nothing lost. Equally I like to meet people and hear there points of view, may not end up being attracted to them but hey who cares. Ha I even told my 11 and 10 year olds to keep an I eye out for me.
After a bit of a laugh they started to take it seriously We have now detrmined that Jessica Alba is off the list Let's have some fun people!! Were mature adults now lets stop taking ourselves so seriously. I actually did have a 'scary' thought the other day that I might inadvertantly meet up with one of the dad's from my daughter's class.
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It was enough to send me running to the sofa with a bar of Fruit 'n' Nut. We all need to get out more It feels very socially isolating most of the time so want to meet up Wed night if ever. Muttles, as fun as night of shangging round Lockhart Rd can be it does get rather dull after a while. Before the kids invade the bedroom. So much to learn: Vulvic 10 yrs ago Aventino - you are not alone just in the minority. Vulvic 10 yrs ago Fair enough Muttles, you don't need to explain yourself to me. You can do a google search.
They offer one-on-one date. So far, they have introduced me to 2 guys. Still waiting for more dates: If you are thinking of going to a dating agency, please also consider single mum even with children. They can be more lighter as they have passed this so called biological clock. They also have more understanding about relationship and I think they are more likely to give you a space to know what you want and to see whether the relationship works rather than the single women who want to be married and have baby before they turn I am a single mother in late 30s.
I do not mind single older man with children. I prefer mature man as they have done it all, seen it all and do not have to prove himself, therefore we can concentrate on living our life together. For long or for short. It does not matter. People feeling does change. Its fact of life. I went through an unbelievably painful and acrimonious divorce after 18 months of separation. Maybe our situations are different but I would not advise you to rush back in to things too quickly.
Coming out of a long marriage can leave emotional scars and I'd say years is perfectly normal before embarking on a serious LTR. I have absolutely NO desire to get married again but it is true sometimes I get very lonely. Not saying you should be celibate or anything like that because we are all human but don't rush in where angels fear to tread.
You say in one of your earlier posts that you still love your wife. Do you realise that this is the most revealing part of any post you have made? If you are still in love with your wife then you are not ready for another serious relationship as it will simply be a rebound relationship and they tend to end in disaster for both parties. Also, it's not really fair on the other lady because subconsciously you will be comparing her to your former spouse. Get out there and date but please don't take it too seriously. Enjoy a lady's company and learn to feel good about life again.
When you are ready to take the plunge you will know. That time will be when you feel indifferent to your ex-spouse or even hate her - not when you are still in love with her. Take it easy and don't be so serious. Lots of us in the same boat as you. HK is a great breaker of relationships. Tread carefully my friend. BTW - if you really insist on dating single mums, don't discount the helpers on Sundays. Many of them are single mums and as you can only meet them one day a week it will be a very gentle introduction back into the world of dating. Take it easy and good luck!
I think for the sake of the kids you have to still have some love for a former spouse. After all, your kids are going to treat women as you treat women, and that includes your ex. I'll get out and see where it all takes me, I can't see myself comparing or even chatting much about a former relationship with anyone I'm dating except to explain why I'm out for dinner with them in the first place. Choe 10 yrs ago Dear Kindred-Spirits, When are we all going to meet up? By the sounds of things we could start our own dating agency!
Laughter is good for the soul and happiness is better shared! So Kindred-Spirits out there let's be daring and meet up for the sole purpose of putting some spice back into our lives. Vulvic 10 yrs ago I agree with Aventino.