Dating a doctor is a huge motivator for me. It helps put my small, first world problems into perspective. Doctors are, for the most part, extremely responsible and determined. How else could you go through 8 years of schooling and 3 years of residency without losing your mind? On top of their day job, they also have to read volumes upon volumes of medical journals to keep up with their profession. When I see my boyfriend hard at work, it also inspires me to improve and challenge myself in my own way.
In fact, when I first met him, I had no idea he was even a full fledged doctor. But I believe, doctor or not, a relationship is all about supporting one another and making sacrifices. He often tells me how happy he is to return to a clean home, warm meal, and me in the doorway—and I think that makes residency all the more bearable for him. If we truly love someone, we have to make sacrifices. We have to show them we care. Do you know anyone working in medicine or in the healthcare field?
How to Date a Resident Doctor
What is it like to become a doctor in your country? My mom works in the medical profession, and it was always hard when she was on call or had to work late, but she definitely works hard. Thanks for sharing your experiences! Oh your fiance works in the medicine field, too!?
I feel for you. I follow a blogger who is a nurse and her stories are gut-wrenching. So, I can only imagine the stories you hear! I think doctors have a different perspective of death and loss, because they deal with it so much. Yet another reason I respect doctors so much—their emotional strength. I could never do it. I cried when I showed the end of a rescue reenactment in my class last week. It was the second time I watched it, too. I cried watching Kung fu panda 2. I think we need to steer far away from medicine…!
When she was a kid, Dr. She drove an old Dodge Neon during her cash-strapped residency and fellowship.
Her husband recently — and finally — traded it in for a Prius. Yes, thank you for your support Autumn! Richard often laments that if he had taken a tech job, he would have been able to actually make a damn good salary for the last 8 years instead of going into debt with med school and making zero money. Your husband will still round every weekend. You and your husband are truly a team, even though things are not always equal. In , the same year she moved cross-country again! If she had to choose one issue to dedicate her life to, it would be gender equality. Your email address will not be published.
This one is different. You can feel it in your bones. A year would have been just fine. Whether you like it or not, you are both married to medicine.
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Just remember that you chose one another. Invest in your love and keep it strong. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. WordPress spam blocked by CleanTalk. Should I jump ship? Hi ladies, I'm looking for some advice.
If you have dated a doctor or other abnormally busy person or are in the medical profession yourself that would be particularly helpful, but I'll gladly take any words of wisdom. I'm dating a lovely guy who is in his first year of medical residency. We've been going on dates and acting somewhat "couple-ish" for a few months but haven't assigned any labels to our relationship. We get along exceptionally well and I really like him though, so I can see this going somewhere. However, we rarely ever see each other and don't talk that much in between.
He blames this on his hours for residency, and to be fair they are really long and insane. Many hour days and sometimes 10 days straight without a day off. I have a fairly business profession, but a lot of other stuff going on most weeknights. I'm busier than many people my age, but not as much as he is. I am very understanding about it and I'm fine with retaining some independence, especially at this stage in dating. But I have no idea how much of his lack of contact is actually due to him being busy or if that's just an excuse to not commit. I feel like I make a lot of sacrifices to see him and try to make it as convenient as possible for him, which means planning ahead and changing my schedule around sometimes.
But I don't know that he does the same for me. I am often kind of waiting around until the last minute for him to contact me and let me know when he's free or I have to pursue him, which doesn't make me feel like he's very into me. Our relationship also hasn't really progressed-- we're still only spending the same amount of time together that we were a few months ago.
I hate that it's all on his terms. It's a gross feeling. This spotty attention from him makes me sure I want to end things sometime. But then when we do spend time together I have an absolute blast and everything just goes so well that I end up liking him even more. It also seems like he's into it based on how he acts around me and the things he says. And to be fair, he always does contact me to see each other eventually So while some of his behavior makes me question stuff, other times I feel like this is just a phase due to his residency and maybe this is worth hanging on for down the road.
So I'm wondering if things will ever change or if this is just one of the drawbacks of dating a doctor? I know residency is particularly bad, but what about when he finishes that? How do you maintain a healthy balance with relationships and work when your partner has a more demanding profession than you? Are the sacrifices you make for your partner worth it, and do you have any tips for making it work?
I haven't talked to him about it yet because I was hoping things would change once we dated for awhile and his feelings for me deepened. I also didn't want to push him away by overwhelming him with talks about commitment when he's already stressed. This is starting to upset me though and I'm tired of waiting for change, so how should I approach the conversation? Is it fair for me to ask him to put more time and effort into our relationship? Or is this pretty standard behavior for a busy person in his position Just a heads up from someone in the medical field, the experience of residency will own them until the end of it.
They don't have any time. If it were me, I would be flattered they had that much time to spend on me. I would also say that this is the most stressful point in their lives. They get hazed, they get questioned all the time, they don't get sleep, they have people's lives in their hands and have to struggle to be confident in what they know, but not too egotistical to kill someone Give him the benefit of the doubt and some space. After residency, depending on what specialty they do, there will be a separate set of rules of how they have to give their time oncall, early surgery times, working holidays etc.
But honestly, after putting so much time and money into something, not doing their absolute best and putting time and effort into it just isn't something people are apt to do even if they do like you If you can't be cool with getting what you can get now, I would consider there are plenty of things that might not change setting them loose. However, "medical families" can work. They require a healthy dose of flexibility, nontraditional expectations, and teamwork You aren't always gonna have a Christmas etc I can understand it would be hard to understand the cues you are getting if you have no basis for that lifestyle, but really think it over.
What this guy needs is support and understanding Maybe you didn't intend it this way, but it sounds like you're assuming I'm not already giving him the benefit of the doubt, space, support, and understanding. I am giving him all of those things. I never pressure him to spend time with me.
We see each other about once every ten days, or times a week at most when his schedule is lighter. I do not text or call him frequently-- I'll send him the occasional message, but generally I let him initiate contact and dictate the pace. We will occasionally go as long as days without talking at all, and when we do sometimes we go a full day between responding to each other's texts. I never give him shit for it. I give input into our activities for dates, and this works out well since we're very compatible and like spending leisure time the same way. But I ultimately leave it to him most times.
If he's too tired from work to go to a party that we both wanted to go to, then I'm cool with staying in since I just enjoy his company and am happy to finally be seeing him. So we'll drink the beer I brought over and I give him a back massage and go down on him luckily he does return the favor in terms of physical stuff when he 's less tired and we have amazing sex.
But my struggle is with whether or not he is willing to give anything with sacrifice and commitment, and how much of this has to do with me vs. For instance, I am okay with the us not seeing each other very often part. But can't he send me a text just once a day or every few days to let me know he's thinking of me? Or when I get up at 5: So far I have not brought up any of this with him because I'm trying to offer all of that support and space you mentioned and I wanted to give him the chance to do it himself.
I figured he may still be finding his feet in his residency and as we grow closer, he might start putting in more effort. I also just care about him enough and admire his reasons for becoming a doctor that I'm willing to make sacrifices so that his life is easier. But I'm trying to determine how much of that behavior is truly down to his profession, and how much of it is him not being very into me or just selfish and unwilling to compromise even if that selfishness is a byproduct of his residency, and not how he would be in other circumstances.
Or am I just being a pushover and need to demand a little more if he wants to keep seeing me? As someone starting residency next year and whose father and brother went through it, and whose girlfriend is about to start it I have to say that you can't be mad at him for not sacrificing something to spend time with you - there is literally nothing else to sacrifice; residency is called residency because the doctors used to live in the hospitals, and it was akin to monks in monastery.
What it’s Like Dating a Doctor
In any case; I can assure you from your post that he doesn't sound like he's being selfish; the behavior does sound like its residency related and not selfishness related. Hey, thanks for the info! He doesn't like to complain or talk about work too much when we're together so it really helps to hear from another resident just how crazy it is. Do you and your girlfriend have any kind of plan for how you're going to manage your relationship while you're both in residency? What do you think is a reasonable expectation for how much time you will spend together, how often you will talk, etc.?
To be honest; we're not couples matching pretty disparate specialties not conducive to couples matching but we're matching by geography, so I guess we'll have to wait and see if we're still together after the match: Well I guess you can always ask him for a little clarification etc. Nothing beats a face to face talk. I had this issue with my husband and I had to straight out tell him what I needed because he had no clue.
He might just be unpracticed at your "love language". Yeah, I think we need to have that talk I've been putting off.
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It will help to come in armed with everything I'm learning from the different perspectives on here though. Thanks for the help. Did you ask him to drop you off and he refused, or were you hoping he'd think of it himself? If it's the former I'm more inclined to think he's being self-centered in your relationship. If it's the latter then you may need to be more direct and take initiative.
Why not ask him where he wants the relationship to go? It's a fair question and you've already been super accommodating. I asked, he refused. Said he wanted those extra few minutes in the morning, but prefaced it by saying he knew it was selfish of him.
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He also doesn't let me sleep in and stay there when he leaves for work. I guess I can understand that because his door needs to be locked from the outside and it would be too soon in our relationship to give me a key. Other guys I've dated in a similar situation have just asked me to put the keys in the mailbox when I leave though. It's pretty rough waking up to drive home that early and then trying to go back to sleep again for just a little bit before getting up again for work.
That one I haven't asked him about yet though since I feel like it would be a little presumptuous and might seem like I'm rushing things commitment-wise. Well, for me I'd take issue with the refusal to be a gentleman. It's like saying I know how to treat you respectfully buuutt I don't feel like it. I look at my single male doctor colleagues and some of them are sweet and honestly looking for a connection. And some of them are selfish and fully aware that as a doctor they can pull in hot females, many of whom will put up with being treated poorly.
And those women are very replaceable to them. If he says he wants to keep things casual, head for the hills - he's the latter and he doesn't appreciate you. I'm the overly busy person. It's been really, really hard for my fiancee, and I don't think he would be my fiancee if I was this busy when we had met. It sounds like you two haven't gotten exceptionally close and that it wouldn't be too hard on either of you to jump ship and move on.
Honestly, he probably is giving you as much of his free time as he can,and can't give you any more. I have been on both sides of this situation, and I know how much it sucks to feel like you're doing everything you can to make it as easy and convenient as possible for the other person to spend time with you, but theyre still not seeing you all that much, and you think they should be able to give you a little more. Well, sometimes they cant. I know how much it hurts, and it makes you feel unwanted. I learned that you have to weigh thes things out--is it someone you care enough about to wait for?
It sounds like you dont even know this guy well enough to answer that question but I could be wrong. It seems like you havent had enough time to get to know him, and honestly you wont for a while. It requires a special kind of patience, and I think that the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" has to be something you can relate to. It sounds like you unfortunately ran into this guy at the wrong point in life.