- Dear Mrs Salisbury: Should I date a guy 10 years younger than me?
- Things To Consider Before Dating A Younger Woman - AskMen
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I have learned a few things to help me get by, and to remind me that our love is worth fighting for:. I am aware that people often judge what they do not understand. This is not the choice someone else may have made, they may have gone down a different path, or chosen a different type of partner. I know that this is something for them to process, and not for me to have to explain. Their fear over our choice to be together in actual fact has nothing to do with our loving relationship and us — it is their problem to solve.
In times when I ask if it is all worth it, I look at him and know that I have found the person I do not want to live without. He is the kindest, most compassionate, funniest individual I have ever encountered. Those are the times when I want to hug him tighter, tell him I love him, and just show the world that this can and will be a love for as long as we are lucky enough to have each other.
I now realize that it is not my role to win over family, friends, or anyone else who may wish to make a statement about our relationship. When I read or see negative behavior toward me, I sometimes want to scream and cry. Moreover, I often want to hide away — to avoid family functions, social outings, and not have to face people eye to eye.
But I know that hiding, crying and shouting does no good; I must show up as myself, courageously and yet graciously, and be the best person I can be. For those of you reading: Be a catalyst for change: And for those readers who are in a similar position and find your relationship judged because of religion, race, sexual orientation, age, or something else, be proud of what you have. Love harder, stronger and with more passion and show the world that love can prevail.enter
Dear Mrs Salisbury: Should I date a guy 10 years younger than me?
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Email Created with Sketch. Group 9 Created with Sketch. Group 10 Created with Sketch. Group 11 Created with Sketch. Group 4 Created with Sketch. I have learned a few things to help me get by, and to remind me that our love is worth fighting for: I remind myself that no one can predict the future. I love him more openly. So, if you're thinking about dating a younger woman, here are five things you should bear in mind before doing so:.
Speaking in general terms, older people have more social power than younger people, and, in a variety of demonstrable ways and despite measurable progress in this area, men have more power than women. Hence, when you combine the two variables — an older man and a younger woman — the power dynamic favors the older man.
Things To Consider Before Dating A Younger Woman - AskMen
The bigger the age gap between you, and the younger she is, the more skewed the power dynamic will be in your favor. Other variables like race, class and gender identity will also factor in to the power balance of your relationship. The presence of a skewed power dynamic does not necessarily mean that a relationship with an age gap should never happen, but it does mean that you need to take extreme care, and in certain cases it's sensible to decide that the power dynamic is too out of whack for a relationship to be formed.
Age of consent laws help us to draw a clear legal line between women who are too young to date and women who aren't, but aside from this, every man must draw his own moral line. It certainly depends heavily on the age of the younger woman rather than just the quantity of the age gap. For example, when a rapper in his late 20s dates a year-old celeb, people find it suspicious and harmful, but fewer people think a much larger, plus-years age gap between some celebrity couples is objectionable if the woman is in her 30s when they got together — these are fully grown women capable of making their own decisions and much less likely to be affected by peer pressure.
Again, though, these are not hard and fast lines or rules, and you need to draw your own moral lines. A young woman can be smart, witty and worldly, but she is, by definition, not mature or experienced. Certain life experiences and personal qualities only come from being alive on earth for a decent length of time, so if you are considering dating a woman who you would otherwise think is too young but for the fact that she's "really mature for her age," stop kidding yourself.
If your prospective partner is fresh out of high school, having never weathered a job loss, heartbreak or any of the other hallmarks of adult life, you are a going to struggle to relate to each other, and b she is not going to be well-equipped with the tools needed for a serious relationship yet. Stereotypically speaking, when a young woman dates an older man she may have a few qualities in mind that she expects you to have: She may think that guys her own age are immature and directionless, and be looking for an older guy to provide more stability for her.
Which is all well and good, except if you're as directionless and financially insecure as the men she's trying to avoid. Or maybe she's not looking for financial security, but she thinks you're going to be a complete gentleman who will woo her with flowers and chocolates, whereas you're not the slightest bit romantic in the traditional sense.
She might have completely unrealistic expectations of men in general, or she might simply have unrealistic expectations from you in particular that you are never going to be able to meet, and you will need to work those out before starting something serious. Similarly, you might be tempted to date a younger woman rather than someone your own age because of a cliched idea that they have a relative lack of "issues", are more wild, fun, flexible, and so on. This isn't a great way of looking at things: You expect your partner to love you, warts and all, so if you're only dating younger women because you think that they're relatively "flawless", you're going about things entirely the wrong way.
The only way you can figure this stuff out is to talk openly about your expectations.